莎拉的部落格

Apr 14 Sat 2012 06:27
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我覺得我冇架...

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Apr 14 Sat 2012 04:48
Failure

Success is a wonderful thing, but it tends not to be the sort of experience that we learn from. We enjoy it, perhaps we even deserve it. But we don't acquire wisdom from it. And maybe that's why it cannot be passed on either - me being successful does not mean my children will also be. No matter how much ever I teach them what I did in my life and even if they follow it to the letter.

So I feel that talking about how to become successful is a waste of time. Instead, let me tell you very honestly whatever happened to me happened because I have always been terrified of failure. I don't want as much to succeed as much as I don't want to fail.

I come from a very normal lower middle class family. I saw a lot of failure. My father was a beautiful man and the most successful failure in the world. My mother also failed to stay with me long enough for her to see me become a movie star. We were quite poor actually and let me tell you, poverty is not an ennobling experience at all. Poverty entails fear and stress and sometimes depression. I watched my parents go through this several times.

At an early age after my parents died, I equated poverty with failure. I just didn't want to be poor. So when I got a chance to act in films it wasn't out of any creative desire that I did so. It was purely out of the fear of failure and poverty. Most of the films I signed were discards of better known actors and the producers could not find anyone else to do them. I did them all to make sure that I was working to avoid unemployment. The timing or something was right, and that made them happen. I became a big star, which means sometimes our success is not the direct result of our actions. Success just happens. Really. It is accidental and we take credit for it, I know I have done this even out of embarrassment sometimes.

So I believe the true path to success is through the fear of failure. If you aren't scared enough of failing, you are unlikely to succeed. It's not pleasant to fail, it's tough. All of us experience it. You will too if you haven't already. Use it to succeed.

Here's how I have done so:

1. Firstly, its not the absence of failure that makes you a success - it is your response to failure that actually helps to buffer the reverses that you experience. I personally have one response to failure - pragmatism - a recognition and belief that if one approach does not work, then the other will or might.

2. Failure also gives me an incentive to greater exertion - harder work, which invariably leads to later success in most cases.

3. Repeated failure has taught me to stop pretending I am someone else. It has given me the clarity to stick to the things that really matter to me instead of distracting me from my core.

4. Failure also gets you to find, who your real friends are. The true strength of your relationships only gets tested in the face of strong adversity.

5. Overcoming some of my failures has made me discover that I have a strong will and more discipline than I suspected. It has helped me have confidence in my ability to survive.

Failure is an amazing teacher. There is a well-known story of a bank president, who was asked the secret of his success. "Right decisions," he replied. "How do you get to know how to make right decisions?" came the follow-up question. "Experience," was the answer. "Well, how do you get experience?" asked his interrogator. "Wrong decisions," he replied.

You have to know and learn that life is a not just a check list of acquisitions, attainments and fulfilments, your qualifications and CVs don't really matter. Instead, life is difficult and complicated, and beyond anyone's control. The humility to know this will help you survive its vicissitudes.

But I don't want to sound dark. My hope for all of you is that you retain a lifelong love of learning, that you never cease to dream exciting and inspiring dreams, and when you fail, you fail well enough to succeed the next time. Don't be afraid of being afraid, be afraid of not facing your fears and failures.

In the end I will read out a text message I got today from my kid - "Papa, Chuck Norris has trained his dog to pick up its own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone."

So remember, you are fortunate enough to be a funambulist - who has an amazing set of punching bags - cherish them. And failure is your fiendish friend, keep him close, and don't take no shit from anybody.

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